As it stands at the beginning of writing this review, my CJ is losing muscle mass because he was so ripped from working out that he ran slowly, so he’s on a starvation diet. He has blond cornrows, tattoos all over, an outfit from the Zip, and a silver Cuban link around his neck. He has tagged 25 out of 100 tag points in Los Santos and found just 1 oyster in the countryside. He has completed 25% of the game. He likes to drive motorcycles because they get him to his mission destinations in San Fierro faster than cars, which is why his cycling skills are better than his driving skills. Everything from the whining G-funk synths to the smoggy haze exemplifies this tribute to all things West Coast. And saying that it’s huge is an understatement. The game is essentially an RPG with drive-by shootings. The sorts of people who wouldn’t be caught dead playing Shin Megami Tensei: Nocturne will be logging in countless bleary-eyed evenings doing dirt as CJ. By now, undoubtedly, you’ve read several reviews entailing the sheer quantity of what CJ is capable of doing on his way to finding out who killed his mother. He can do everything from pimping to valet parking. There are so many mini-games crammed in besides the side missions that it’s mind-boggling. He can have girlfriends; his ability to reach 100% with each woman in status unlocks him outfits. And yes, he must eat and exercise to stay alive. What helps the game transcend the usual action/adventure fare is the involvement that the player has with CJ. Like a Sim or a Tamagotchi (which the developers have cited as an inspiration), he is your character to customize. As the game goes on, he becomes more sympathetic and likeable- he’s not some two-dimensional thug; he’s just a guy who’s in a situation that continues to escalate to a boiling point, and he becomes progressively better and more successful at behaving badly. Plus, as a California native, I loved Young Maylay’s voice acting, and his thick Cali accent hit home with me. Graphically, the game looks about as good as a Grand Theft Auto title can. The PS2 versions of the GTA series have never gone the distance in character aesthetics (does the phrase “claw hands” ring a bell?), but instead focus on the environment. In the beginning, when players start off in Los Santos, the orange skyline and the architecture scream Los Angeles just as much as the authenticity of the roads in True Crime: Streets of L.A. When Carl leaves Los Santos and makes his way into the countryside, it’s a site to behold. Scaling Mt. Chiliad for the first time took me ten minutes on foot- by the time I’d reached the peak, I couldn’t see any of the terrain below me. The fog and hills of Bay Area terrain are captured beautifully in San Fierro. And if time permitted, I'd write of Las Venturas, but I'm still a few missions shy of unlocking it. The gameplay has been tightened up from previous incarnations. The targeting system uses Manhunt’s crosshairs for both stealth kills and for hitting targets. It’s much more efficient than Vice City’s targeting, which left Tommy Vercetti shooting already-dead bodies. The upgrading of skills weaves its way into gameplay quite naturally. If CJ works out early in the game, it’s not as Sim-like as previews had made it seem to be. In fact, it enables him to use melee weapons more efficiently and run for longer distances. If working out were as easy in real life as it is in this game, there would be fewer obese gamers. The soundtrack, while quite good, doesn’t capture the 90s the way that Vice City felt like it nailed the 80s. More than anything, the radio stations evoke GTA III more than anything. Radio Los Santos, with its gangsta rap soundtrack, exemplifies the earlier levels of the game. SF-UR, with its old school Chicago house, feels like the precursor to Rise FM. K-Jah makes a return with a West Coast version, and Master Grooves, while perfect for chin-scratching sample geeks such as myself, doesn’t feel really, well, American- it seems more like Rockstar North’s UK development team knows their 70s samples more than the average gamer. The classic hip-hop and rock stations, as well as the country station, feel like they’ve been thrown in to placate demographics moreso than to add to the overall experience of driving around. For social satire at its bloody, violent, finest, GTA: San Andreas is a title at the height of its potential. San Andreas truly feels like a living, breathing state. With minigames and side missions to complete 100% and beyond, it's a game designed to be played as long as your PS2 is kicking. It goes without saying that this is a game clearly designed for adults. If you’re easily offended, don’t play it. It’s the only game I’ve ever played that used the F-word (and the N-word) so liberally in the first 30 minutes of gameplay. Past that, though, at the risk of sounding too much like James Lipton, the game is truly a masterpiece. Cop it. Rating: Five out of five floppy disks (if I could give it six, I would).